i look forward to...

OUR U.S. TRIP!!!

children

a

she is growing to be a beautiful and intelligent girl.  she is mature and insightful for a four year old and i am mighty proud of her.

l

he is clingy.  still babyish at times.  he has began to developed his quirks and i dont know if its something we shall be happy or worried about.  just wish he will eat more...

one word to describe him- lovely

what did we do right

getting on the plane with my baby in the nick of time.

regrets

i wish i wrote for the school paper in university

i wish i didnt diss the girl next door

i wish i talked to the guy i had a crush on

i wish i stood up to the landlord

i wish i cherished him more

photographs

i just started using my husband's andriod phone and found the photographs of our family he has kept and dutifully filed over the years.

i found the ones of us dating amusing... the ones of our first child filled with joy... the ones of our son entertaining at first.  until the chronology of the events go backwards and i found myself staring at his wound and stomas.  then to the day when he was born. he looked so healthy and very normal. handsome even.  argh.  these pictures sucked me right back into the realm of negativity and my mind automatically switched to its quiry mode and tried to trace back to what went wrong.

as usual, we always stopped at the usual suspect, me.  out loud, i often analysed and told friends that its due to my incompetent gynea's negligence.  but when i am alone, i cant stop thinking it was me.

did it strengthen me and make me a better person?

or did it break me? cause i never feel or look the same again after that.